THE FURIES

The scantily clad Furies do a dance for Ares. He's given a complaint and wants a judgement against Xena. She is to be punished by persecution and madness. Elsewhere, Xena and Gabrielle race -but are interrupted by thugs. A fight! Xena starts going cuckoo in a cartoon-like three stooges type fight. The next thing we know, she's standing naked in front of some villagers at night, bringing "retribution." "They've crucified the women and children!" Gabrielle grows very concerned and they head to the temple of the Furies. There they learn that Xena must avenge the murder of her father to satisfy the Furies! Next, Xena suffers from delusions. Then Xena visits her mother, Cyrene. Turns out, she killed Xena's father (protecting Xena). We hear Xena give her rendition of Shakespeare's famous Macbeth speech. Then she heads to a cliff where she seems to contemplate jumping. Ares seems to talk her out of it. (We learn later that this was all part of her plan. She's got enough sanity to know her situation.) Later, Xena convinces the Furies that Ares is her father (since her father came home unexpectedly from war the night she was conceived). Xena delivers something of a denouement. But why would Ares want her mad? "A mad Xena would be more sympathetic to his quaint worldview." To make her alleged half-godness convincing, she fights Ares and wins. The insanity is lifted!

A COMEDY OF EROS

Cupid's son, Bliss, gets a hold of Cupid's arrows and takes off. Meanwhile, Xena and Gabrielle are trying to stop Draco from attacking some Hestia virgins. Xena gets hit by an arrow and falls for the first one she sees -Draco. Gabby assumes it's all "part of her plan." Xena later tries to cool down and decides to try and change Draco into one of the good guys. Gabrielle grows suspicious of trouble. Xena foils one of Draco's plans, but Gabby and Joxer have gotten themselves tied to a pole. As Xena unties them, Gabrielle is struck. Who does she fall for first? (Almost Xena!) Joxer! Next, in what is teased as a sex scene, Draco and Xena talk while arm wrestling. The same thing is teased with Joxer and Gabby, but they're singing his theme song! Soon, Xena and Draco's game gets sexual...so Xena runs away to cool off in a cold lake! The temple is attacked! During all this, Cupid's arrow strikes Draco and he falls for Gabrielle. Before we know it, Joxer...and Gabby...are captured. "This love stuff is a real PAIN!" says Xena. Draco's gonna kill Joxer for having Gabby's affections. Xena saves them and they head back to the temple. Draco calls a truce to talk. He mentions his "woman" (Gabby) and Xena says, "Well, ain't love a bitch." He threatens to torch the temple. "You would kill the woman you love?" asks Xena. "Would you?" Xena seems to give in to his threat by releasing the virgins, but works it out to look like Draco was trying to double-cross his partner in crime. A fight! The virgins fall for Draco's warriors! CHAOS! Xena finally figures out that these feelings (which seem real but aren't) are from Cupid's arrows! She tells Draco that "if you want to win her love you'd better change yourself." Cupid himself catches on and grounds little Bliss. He puts everyone back to normal. "Easy come; easy go." And, funnily/tragically enough, Joxer's love won't go away. "Cupid, forget it," says Xena, "He's for real." "Oh. Happens." And, to keep Draco "good," the spell stays on him.

LOST MARINER

When the ship that Xena and Gabrielle are traveling on is destroyed in a storm, Gabrielle is brought aboard the ship of Cecrops, the Lost Mariner. If you try to escape his ship, you are mysteriously destroyed by Poseidon's curse. Cecrops can never return to land until "love redeems me." Xena finally makes her way onto the ship as well. (That was quite a jump!) We learn of the woman whom Cecrops loved. (She died about 300 years ago.) Later, Poseidon shows up and offers safe leave for Xena and Gabrielle. Xena, who seems to think this a sign that they're getting close to finding a way to lift the curse, refuses his offer. (Gabby doesn't seem so sure!) The key must be at Charybdis! Turns out Cecrops is harboring guilt for cursing innocents. And Poseidon soon makes another offer. If Cecrops throws Xena overboards into Charybdis, he will grant freedom to Cecrops and his crew. To Charybdis! It's tempting, but Cecrops can't do it. "It's my love for others!" He throws himself in instead! (All this time he had been asking, "Who's gonna love me?") The curse is lifted and everybody washes onto shore. "So it's more important to remember the love you can give instead of the love you can receive, right?"

THE PRICE

Yum. Fish for breakfast! Suddenly, a tribe known as "the horde" are upon Xena and Gabrielle. Quick! To the canoe! Even Xena seems scared. She's run into them before. During their escape, they manage to find their way into a hopelessly surrounded fortress. We hear the dying horde calling out, "kaltaka." (Probably the name of their god of war.) Soon, Xena takes command. "We're gonna kill 'em all!" Gabrielle, on the other hand, takes charge of the makeshift hospice. But Xena meddles with Gabrielle's conscience, coming to a low point when she kills a fleeing man. "There are no good choices, only lesser degrees of evil," she explains about war. But Gabrielle wants to at least try to understand this horde. Another attack! Xena takes a prisoner. Gabrielle learns from him that "kaltaka" means "water!" She also learns that the price of war is losing your humanity -which is reflected in Xena's recent behavior. SO Gabby heads to the battlefield to aid the dying enemy, giving them their water. This is taken as a truce. Xena shows a change of heart. "You understand hatred but you have never given into it. You don't know how much I love -that." Xena uses the horde's code of honor to defeat their leader and, thus, the horde.

ULYSSES

Xena and Gabrielle aid THE Ulysses in a fight. Meet Poseidon! (Did you know that Ares is Poseidon's nephew?) He's out to give Ulysses a hard voyage to his kingdom, Ithaca. We learn that Ulysses' wife, Penelope, is dead. Later, Gabrielle distracts a boatload of pirates with a dance while Xena and Ulysses climb onboard. They take over the ship. Gabrielle experiences seasickness. Then Poseidon's storm hits! And the gang fight to pass the Sirens without crashing onto the rocks. (Xena sings.) Suddenly, at night, Ulysses finds the heart to tell Xena that "I think I'm falling in love with you." They kiss. Later, in the daytime, Gabrielle makes Xena promise to follow her own heart and "don't worry about me." Seeing Xena happy would make Gabby happy. Land ho! On Ithaca, we learn that Penelope is alive! (Awkward.) Pirates/suitors are trying to take power. Xena is really hard on Ulysses -convincing him that she doesn't love him. "He needs to decide whether he wants to stay here without thinking about me," explains Xena. Soon, Ulysses (dressed as a peasant) strings the bow for kingship. (Xena secretly helped!) A fight! The scumbags are exterminated and Ulysses realizes Xena had put up a front. But she convinces him to stay with his wife. "Go home." She teaches us that the best reward in life is to make someone you care about happy.

BLIND FAITH

Xena heads into a tavern to grab some grub while Gabrielle does some shopping. Suddenly, Gabby is attacked! Next, we see Xena discover that her friend is missing, and is told by the man who abducted her (Palaemon) that he's killed Gabrielle -and Xena is next! During the fight to follow, some oil gets sprayed into Xena's eyes. We learn that Palaemon wants to be known as the one to kill Xena in a fair fight. And he's not telling where Gabrielle really is. Xena's eyes seem to be bothering her. Xena and Palaemon run into trouble. A fight! Xena eventually goes blind from the sumac in the oil! (She has 1 day to get treated before the damage is permanent.) She chains Palaemon so that he can be her eyes. We all soon learn that Gabrielle has been sold as a bride/Queen. Xena thinks it unusual that a commoner be chosen. Hm. Back in the castle, Gabrielle confesses that her heart belongs to another. She goes to talk the king out of the wedding only to find him dead! Turns out, she's in the middle of a power play and our Gabrielle is headed for the crematorium after the wedding! Xena warns Palaemon that "we all eventually become what we pretend we are." (He's not such a cold guy.) Xena steps in just in time, saves Gabrielle, and luckily finds the remedy for her blindness there in the castle. She's even convinced Palaemon to change his ways.

THE EXECUTION

Remember Meleager the Mighty? He's sent for Gabrielle (and Xena, I suppose.) Something urgent. Turns out, not everyone's a friend of his. A fight! A Judge Arbus has sentenced him to death for cold-blooded murder. (Well, he was drunk, anyway.) Apparently, there was an eye-witness. Xena hears the account and basically gives up. Not Gabrielle. She brings a "last meal" of a feast for Meleager -which the guards eat (as planned.) They sleep while Gabby takes the key, unlocks the accused, and gives him the chance to find his eye-witness so he can clear himself. She gets busted for this, of course, and the judge agrees to let Xena and Gabrielle bring Meleager back. "But even I can't hold this town back forever," he says of the angry citizens. (Gabrielle actually TRIES to stand in Xena's way....) The winning argument with Meleager is that if he doesn't go back, Gabrielle will pay. He then confesses his guilt! Disappointment. They all camp for the night and make peace again. Soon, Xena has her suspicions. They make a stop to check out some evidence. Uh oh! Xena killed that man!!! (Defending another.) She splits up with the other two. And we find out that Judge Arbus is corrupt! He only protects his reputation. Gabs and Meleager get captured. He's hanged! (But not really. Xena caught his fall from beneath the gate.) Judge Arbus is exposed.

FOR HIM THE BELL TOLLS

Because she's in a hurry and has to push her horse, Argo, very hard, Xena leaves Gabrielle behind. "See you in a couple of days," says Xena. This irritates Gabrielle a bit! Soon, Gabrielle runs into Joxer. Later, we meet Aphrodite and Cupid! Aphrodite is out to not only stop a marriage for the sake of her temples, but to prove her power to Cupid by showing him she can make ANYONE attractive. Yes, even Joxer. She gives Joxer a small bell to deliver to a Princess Ileandra. We soon learn that, every time a bell rings, Joxer is transformed into a handsome hero...or back into an idiot. He saves the day! The ladies go wild. Joxer can't seem to remember it, though. Later, Joxer comes between the princess and her betrothed. A fight! Joxer sends the prince away. Gabrielle gets the joy of breaking up the magnetic attraction between Joxer and the princess in a very funny bit while an all out search for Joxer is being prepared. He is found! And, just before the fight begins, Joxer is transformed back into himself. He is chained. Gabby goes to Aphrodite's temple and meets the goddess for the first time. Joxer is taken to get beheaded. Just in time, Gabby rings a bell (chakram-style) and Joxer gets free. During a sword fight, Joxer uses the "I am right handed" line from The Princess Bride. The fight moves into one of Aphrodite's temples and, because it gets destroyed, she relents into releasing Joxer from the spell. The prince and princess are reunited. "You're a real hero," they tell Gabrielle. And, when Joxer is hard on himself and feeling most unworthy, Xena reassures him that "the gods can't give us anything that isn't already in our hearts." Feel free to sing along to "Joxer the Mighty" as the credits roll!

A DAY IN THE LIFE

This is a classic. (Waking Up.) An attack! A frying pan fight! We learn that Xena needs to stop a warlord from looting a nearby village. (Finding Your Way.) While lost, the gals learn of yet another village in need. It's being threatened by a giant! (Making a Decision.) Which town to help first? Flip a coin! They head to face the giant with a townsman named Hower. (Traveling.) Xena and Gabrielle pass the time playing 20 Questions. Xena makes a stop to go fishing. We see the competitive nature between the two heroes really come out A LOT. Hower falls for Xena. (A Call From Nature.) Xena uses one of Gabby's scrolls for toilet paper. She deflects retribution. "The giant is coming...." Ha! (Giving Directions.) They plant a sign for the giant, Gareth. We meet Hower's girlfriend, Minya. She prepares a bath for the duo to help them concentrate. (Practice Makes Perfect.) The warrior princess practices her skills. "Zeus killed giants with lightning bolts!" "How are we going to get lightning bolts?" (Trial and Error.) Xena invents the kite! Gareth finishes off the warlord's army. (Waiting for Gareth). A funny bit with the chakram. Minya finishes off the warlord and Hower redirects his affections. Xena finishes off Gareth. (Going to Bed.) The day ends with Xena and Gabrielle finding images in the stars...and arguing. ; )

A NECESSARY EVIL

Gabrielle makes Ephiny the Queen of the Amazons (in her absence.) At the ceremony, Velasca makes an appearance. She also makes herself a god. A fight! She's after Gabrielle. "To fight an immortal, I need an immortal." -Xena. Helllooo Callisto! The others delay Velasca while Xena drops in where Hercules has Callisto trapped. She offers Callisto a shot at the ambrosia in exchange for her help. However, before they get down to business, they make a stop at a town where Xena publicly confesses her crimes against Cirra. Callisto is obviously moved by this. Next, they're off to the showdown. Velasca (God of Chaos) destroys the temple of Artemis (God of Amazons) on her way. Then, just as soon as they need her, Callisto switches sides! "You want Gabrielle; I want Xena." This doesn't last, however, and Callisto finds herself having to fight Velasca. They trap her beneath the ever popular choice -a pile of boulders. (A mere delay.) That night, there is a great dialogue shared between Gabrielle and Callisto. A bit of "truth or dare." The topics? Cirra and Perdicus. Callisto opens up herself to Gabrielle -only to make a most insensitive remark. The next plan, we soon learn, is to draw Velasca and Callisto onto a nearby rope bridge which hangs over a lava pit. Success! And, there, Callisto eats ambrosia and becomes a god. A fight! Xena cuts the ropes sending the gods into flame. AND she invents bungee jumping! Gabrielle believes that Callisto, deep down, is sorry.

THE QUEST

Poor Gabrielle is all alone. She's traveling to Xena's brother with Xena's body when Iolaus shows up...and leaves again. She travels through Amazon land and reencounters Ephiny. We learn that Queen Melosa is also dead! The new queen is Velasca -who holds jealously to her title. BUT the real right now belongs to none other than Gabrielle! Meanwhile, the King of Thieves is elsewhere -stealing the dagger of Helios when Xena's spirit takes over his body! She solicits his help in stealing her body from the Amazons -who soon convince Gabrielle to put Xena on a funeral pyre. Gabby's also decided to return to rule as queen. She catches Auto! (A mere delay.) Xena takes over yet again. A fight! Gabrielle sees the fight and believes it is Xena. They escape and Velasca's opposers are imprisoned. Xena speaks to Gabrielle through Autolycus. (And we may never know WHO gave a kiss. We SEE lips locked between Gabrielle and Autolycus but we can't tell if he looks confused or guilty. Did he steal that, too??) ANYWHO...our heroes have found ambrosia, food of the gods. Velasca shows up. But one needs the dagger of Helios to unlock the ambrosia. Wellll...Velasca gets the dagger and breaks poor Autolycus' arm in the process. He's thrown into prison with the others. Of course, with him around, they're not locked up for long. Xena takes over Gabrielle's body! The chakram is thrown! Velasca is stopped! Gabs feeds a bit of leftover ambrosia to Xena and she awakens. Unfortunately, Velasca (who is not completely dead as presumed) manages to scrounge up some of that jello-like food for herself, too....

DESTINY

Xena and Gabrielle visit Cyrra to understand "why it happened" and "how I can ever atone." Xena leaves Gabby's side for one minute and Gabs goes missing! While rescuing her from painted warriors, Xena is struck by a weapon (a tree trunk hanging in the woods.) This throws her body against a tree and throws her mind into the past! Gabrielle journeys with Xena towards the house of a healer while Xena's mind travels to her evil days. We see how she first crossed paths with Caesar and a girl named M'Lila. Caesar eventually betrays her and hangs her from a cross. M'Lila, who was the one to teach her the pinch, rescues Xena from that cross. Soon, however, M'Lila is killed by the Romans. Back in the present day, Xena slips away and we see her old self declare her new purpose in life: death. The present day Xena, however, declares, "I have to go back." To be continued....

HERE SHE COMES... MISS AMPHIPOLIS

Something is up at a beauty pageant! So Salmoneus has sent for Xena. She will pose as a Miss Amphipolis so that she can work from the inside, trying to stop a war from happening. Gabrielle poses as her sponsor. First, Xena uncovers a drag queen among the contestants, but she keeps this to herself. Later, during a show, Miss Amphipolis is exposed by a sponsor to be Xena! BUT the situation is quickly diverted by the drag queen who has stolen and is wearing Xena's armor. The competition narrows down to the semi-finalists. The talent events are put on rush and there is another attempted sabotage. (Xena stepped in.) Finally, Lord Claron admits to Xena that he's behind the attacks and then makes the mistake of trying to kill her. The pageant wraps up with Miss Amphipolis the winner -had she not withdrawn. Many other contestants also quit. The winner now? The queen!