IF THE SHOE FITS...

The scene opens with Gabrielle taking a primitive shower in the middle of the woods. Xena, on the other hand, has overslept. (Joxer's in the camp, too.) A mystery creatures snatches Gabby's clothes. Elsewhere, Xena interrupts a band of thugs and ties one of them up using...Gabby's shirt! "We ran out of rope." Now, Gabby is sporting...a sac.  Suddenly, an explosion from Aphrodite's temple!  (A little girl named Alesia was playing with the "passion" bottle.)  "Xena!  Please, you have to save me from my evil fairy godsmother!" she cries.  It turns out that this is princess Alesia.  She doesn't like her new stepmother and ran away.  Soon, they all leave Aphrodite behind to take Alesia back home.  Soon, Xena backtracks to take care of the men who are following them -leaving Gabrielle to tell Alesia a story.  It isn't Cinderalla, however.  It's Tyrella.  All of the characters (even the tied up bad guy) are made into the characters surrounding Tyrella's tale.  Meanwhile, Aphrodite actually begins to miss Alesia...who is off hoping that Gabby's story ends gruesomely for the stepmother!  Suddenly, Aphrodite appears and tells her version of Tyrella's "sizzling" story.  Next, as Gabby helps Xena cook, Joxer tries his storytelling skills -making himself the lead (Tyro).  Joxer's story is complete with a wild dance sequence and duet!  In fact, Joxer gets so into his story, that he doesn't notice Alesia is missing!  As soon as Xena goes after her, an elderly woman appears in the camp (Aphrodite in disguise) and tricks Gabby into leaving after the baddies.  Somehow, Alesia has gotten herself dangling from the edge of a cliff.  Xena to the rescue!  The gang finally learns that Aphrodite is plotting to get the girl back.  On their way, Xena tells her action packed version of Tyrella's story.  But she manages to belittle and offend (for at least the 3rd time that day) Gabrielle with the tale.  Gabby decides she has had enough and leaves.  Finally, the rest of them reach "home" only to find Alesia's father and stepmother tied up and the crown jewels stolen!  Before Xena leaves again, though, she locks Alesia and her stepmother in a room to talk things out.  Elsewhere, Gabby summons Aphrodite and attempts to talk her out of meddling with Alesia's family.  Xena and Joxer go after the baddies while Alesia and her stepmother make peace.  The ensuing battle turns into the ending of Tyrella's story -which Xena wraps up for Alesia in only a way that Xena can.  Gabby has returned after realizing that family stays together and works things out.  In closing, Gabrielle begins to conceive the story of Pinocchio.

DAUGHTER OF POMIRA

Xena and Gabrielle are trying to take a route that will help them avoid the Horde when, suddenly, Gabrielle spots a strange sight. "Have you ever seen a blonde Horde girl?" Then, just as suddenly, some man named Milo tries to ambush the small group of this "Horde." Xena intervenes. Soon, they all suspect that "that poor girl" has been taken from her family. The girl's name is Vanesa and Xena and Gabby find her parents (who think she was murdered long ago). "She's alive." Gabby tells them that she and Xena will bring their child back home. "She deserves to be with the people she loves; the people that love her." Soon, our heroes have tracked down the Horde. Xena, disguised as one of them, walks into their underground abode unnoticed. And, to her surprise, Vanesa seems to be enjoying her company. Xena follows her for some kaltaka (water). "Don't be afraid, Vanesa. I've come to get you out of here." But the girl screams! So Xena temporarily pinches Vanesa's voice and then sneaks her out to where Gabrielle is waiting. While Xena lays a false trail, Vanesa tries to tell Gabrielle that her name is Pilee, her father is the Horde leader, and that her "talk" (language) is Pomira. Clearly, she feels she has a new home. Nevertheless, the gang decides that it wasn't right for Cirvik (the Horde leader) to kidnap her in the first place -so they're going to take her home. However, Pilee does not receive her homecoming with welcome. What now? Set her free? Hang her? All out war? Xena pretends to opt for all out war (in order to gain the soldiers' trust). "My Vanesa's gone!" shouts her biological father. He loses all hope until he sees her dressed more...civilized. Vanesa sees her old doll and remembers her father. He apologizes to her. Now, if only he can forgive "these savages." Well, Xena is busy planning to forge a peace. "Vanesa is the only one who can communicate with both sides." Gabby questions her decision to "rescue" Pilee in the first place. But Xena reassures her that she was right to give her a choice. And night, Vanesa tries to escape but Milo steps in to kill her. Xena uses her whip (again) to stop him. "This thing has really come in handy, lately!" We learn that Cirvik's "real" daughter died and Vanesa was chosen as his adopted daughter. "He love me." Xena tries to convince her to care to make peace out of the situation since she is loved on both sides. Finally, both sides meet up. Just before a truce is arranged, Milo comes out of the ground and tries to kill Cirvik! But Xena flips into action. Fight! Milo is killed. "Both. Both my father." And Pilee goes home with the "Horde" but promises to return to visit soon.

THE KEY TO THE KINGDOM

When Xena catches Autolycus after stealing a ruby, he gives it back...only to discover that that wasn't Xena -it was Meg! Turns out, Joxer and Meg are after the crown of Athena. Auto gets on board. Joxer and Autolycus pretend to be villians while Meg (still dressed as Xena) pretends to fight them off. We learn that Meg is Joxer's girl. Meg demands to meet with the town's leader and convinces them that an assassin is out to get him. Thus, he shows her their security. Meg leaves a trail for Autolycus who gets rid of the guards and finds a baby in place of the key to the crown. Soon, Meg walks in and reveals that the baby is the key, and then she unexpectedly calls the guards on Autolycus! Meg steals the key and his elderly caretaker learns of this and finds Autolycus in prison. We soon learn that once the key opens the door, the child will be no more. "Doesn't sound good for the kid." Auto escapes. Joxer soon learns that Meg has kidnapped a baby just to have a baby and he feels quite used. But Meg convinces him that fatherhood becomes him. The leaders learn that "Xena" has stolen the key and fear she'll get the crown first. Auto shows up to try and take the baby back for a reward, but the baby escapes while he and Meg duke it out. Now it seems everyone is looking for the kid! But the little baby escapes in a chariot. Follow that chariot! The chariot crashes (but everyone's okay). At camp that night, Auto convinces them to still search for the crown and promises that the child will not be harmed. We learn about Meg's difficult upbringing and that her love for this child is true. She wants better for this baby than what she had. Next, we all discover that the baby's blanket is a map! To the door! Auto doesn't risk the baby but, during a fight, the child crawls to open the door and turns into a man! But not just any man...he is the king! (The real Xena shows up and helps them fend off the baddies.) Athena had made him young so that he could see anew, and his queen was made old (the caretaker) to teach her how to care. He thanks Meg for her love. Xena also encourages Meg that she will have a family of her own one day.

PAST IMPERFECT

Xena finally tells Gabby about the crucifixion vision. In response, Gabrielle tries to keep Xena from being so overprotective. They're on their way to a place called Actus to warn the people about an army. However, the village is attacked as soon as they arrive. Xena soon gets blown up against a wall by a fireball and has a flashback. (Poor Xena...she sees the future and the past these days!) "I was attacking Corinth like this." She also recalls poisoning their grain. This triggers the discovery that the grain in Actus has also been poisoned! However, Xena's more concerned about the water supply. They break down the dam. Next, Xena remembers having her enemies killed and thrown into the river. Lo and behold, out of the water comes a band of her present day enemies! Retreat! (Xena also notices that they are at the foothills of the same mountain where her vision takes place -but Gabrielle won't hear any of it.) We see a clip from the past of Xena, Borias, Dagnine, and some centaurs. Xena becomes paranoid once again at the remembrance of her desire to crucify her enemies. She soon figures out that whoever is attacking Actus is using her own tactics against her! "How do I defeat myself?" Yes, the topic of crucifixion comes up yet again but Gabrielle refuses to leave. Later, we see Xena sneak into the enemy's tunnel and get shot by a small poison dart. This is when the mastermind is revealed as Satrina, Xena's former servant. Fml. Xena falls to the ground. Soon, we see more flashback action of Satrina giving Xena a potion just before Xena gives birth. Borias then comes to take Xena away (he had sided with the centaurs) for the sake of their love and their son. But, just when he thinks he has Satrina on his side, she stabs him in the leg and tells him about her empirical destiny. Borias flees and she calls Dagnine (who hadn't sided with the centaurs) after him with a lie. They fight. Xena gives birth. Dagnine stabs Borias in the back. Xena lets Borias get a glimpse of his son as she and Satrina escape. Back in present day, Xena is rambling on about Borias and suddenly reveals that she has had some of the antidote to the poison before she ever even came into the tunnel. "Which means your poison dart did nothing." She takes control of the situation and blames Satrina for the death of Borias and even Solan (since, had Borias lived, both Xena and Solan would have probably had a different fate). The guards from both camps suddenly appear. Fight! Satrina gets buried in the collapse of the tunnel. Later, by campfire, Xena and Gabrielle discuss the funny thing about destiny. "You can't ignore it; can't rely on it." Xena calls her vision a "prophecy." "No one said anything about a prophecy," says Gabrielle, adding that it could just be a warning or a sign or a guide. At Gabrielle's mentioning of Alti, Xena makes a segue onto the topic of Borias. She tells Gabby about the night when she gave baby Solan into the care of the centaur, Kaleipus. This memory is truly haunting for Xena and Gabrielle comforts her friend.

CRUSADER

We see Xena and Gabrielle battling a band of attackers. A woman rides in on horseback and joins the fight against our heroes. She is about to kill Gabrielle when she suddenly stops and gets on her knees begging forgiveness. Meet Najara. Her invisible guides through life (the "Jinn") told her all about them and their quest. They agree to join her in her fight against a man named Marat. At the campfire that night, Najara offers her army to Xena in order to gain her trust. The next day, they battle the baddies and Najara catches an arrow meant for Gabrielle. Remember Xena's crucifixion vision? Well, the Jinn tell Najara about it while Xena is worrying over it in her own private moment. She believes it can be avoided. Xena figures that if she leaves Gabrielle with Najara (so they can start a hospice), their fate will be altered. "Goodbye," she says to the sleeping Gabrielle. But Xena soon learns that Najara eventually executes the "not decent people" who don't turn to her "light." She races to find Gabrielle who has just been initiated into this "light." Feeling that Gabby is now her responsibility, Najara gets possessive and fights Xena. She even wins! Gabrielle convinces Najara not to kill Xena and they leave together. When Xena comes to, she sneaks her way into their cave of a hideout and fights Najara again. This time, however, she uses Gabrielle to distract her. Finally, they have Najara tied up and taken away. She never told Gabrielle about Xena's vision, though. Why not? Because that would hurt her. And Najara doesn't ever want to do that. "That's your job," she tells Xena.

LOCKED UP AND TIED DOWN

A good ol' back massage gets interrupted by a band of thugs. Fight! It turns out they're actually there to arrest Xena for the murder of some woman named Thalassa. Xena surrenders, guilt-ridden. She is taken to court where testimonies are given and she's sentenced to life imprisonment on Shark Island. Gabrielle soon learns of a job opening on the island and asks when the next boat leaves. Xena arrives on the island and is recognized by one of the inmates who soon asks for help escaping. "Not interested," Xena replies. Next, Xena buries a woman who was hung for killing a guard. The guards continue to give Xena hell and fight her after she defends an inmate. A cloaked commandant woman appears and has Xena chained. She then reveals herself as an embittered Thalassa! (The old Xena had left her to the flesh eating crabs.) She has Xena thrown into a pit with rats. Gabrielle arrives as the new healer and helps Thalassa. Later, she uses a broom as a staff and gets rid of the guard. She delivers the chakram to Xena. But Gabrielle is captured and taken to be hanged! Just as Thalassa decides that she can't go through with it, the guard goes against her wishes and opens the trapdoor. Fortunately, Xena throws her chakram, cutting the rope just in time. Chaos ensues. A fight! Thalassa gets back in touch with her soul and thanks Gabrielle. She also gives some advice to Xena -which she takes. Xena won't let "that monster I used to be...destroy all the good I can do now."

A TALE OF TWO MUSES

Xena and Gabrielle travel across a desert and enter a town to get some new shoes. They find Tara there and save her from being punished for dancing. That's right. Dancing. The chief magistrate, Istafan, allows her to be banished instead of whipped. However, they soon return to town because Tara's got a mind to change things. She apologizes to the community and to Istafan. He shows her mercy enough to let her stay. That night, Xena regrets having fried food and Gabrielle feels the forbidden urge to dance. Later, a reformer named Philipon arrives. (It's Autolycus in disguise. Xena sent for him.) He preaches about the evils of dancing and goes around reforming the town. A townsman named Andros dances secretly with Tara and tells her he's leaving. (He wants her to go with him.) Xena learns of this and convinces them that running away isn't the answer. Stand and fight. Elsewhere, Philipon senses Gabby's unresolved energy. "I can tell you need to get...." "-Dancing!" Soon, Xena and Gabrielle lead the town's kids into their new choreographed military training exercises. Gabby's shoes have new metal patches on them. So, she does something a lot like tap dancing. We then learn that the kids will be taught how to kill. After all this egging on, Andros' dad finally protests. He announces his intention to run against Istafan in the upcoming election. Later, Istefan stages an assassination attempt which Xena quickly uncovers. A dance!